The Top 10 Biggest Lies You Were Taught About Wine (Probably by a Wine Snob)

Today I'm getting into ten of the biggest misconceptions and just downright bad advice that a wine snob probably told you. Are you ready to have your mind blown?

1. Don’t Use Wine for Cooking that You Wouldn’t Want to Drink
   

This one is possibly the one that annoys me the most when I hear it. Wine NEVER tastes even remotely the same after it has been cooked on high heat. Why would you want to waste a good wine by pouring it into your pan instead of your glass? 

Do an experiment and see if you can tell whether or not a cheap wine was used. Good luck in being able to justify pouring 20 bucks into a pan and watching most of it literally evaporate into the air. 

Even after the alcohol cooks away, the flavors are going to change too. The fresh, fruity, floral, or mineral notes of a good quality or complex wine will be much harder to detect in cooked food- if they are still there at all. 

Just do me a favor. Buy the cheaper wine for your mushroom risotto: a simple and dry red for under $15 won’t ruin your recipe or your stomach. 

2. A Wine’s “Legs” Indicate Its Quality

One of the most common misconceptions I hear from people happens before they even drink the wine in front of them! Don’t get me wrong, there are some observations of a wine’s appearance that can indicate what it will taste like. 

However, legs are merely an indicator of a wine’s body and usually that it is higher in alcohol or sugar content.

That’s it! Really, it is that simple. Tell that to your know-it-all coworker at the next office party when he swirls his glass and makes some mildly inappropriate double-entendre out of it.

3. You Should Only Pair Seafood with White Wine

I tend to agree that some of the most delicious pairings involve a crisp, herbaceous white wine and a steaming plate of fresh seafood.

But what about rosé? It can be an awesome partner to your fish or shellfish! And a light, chilled red can really hit the spot with linguine alle vongole.

Above all, if you are the type of person who only drinks red, then you shouldn’t be expected to change your entire outlook just for a plate of fried calamari.

4. The More Expensive a Wine, the Better it Tastes

This assumption is possibly the most dangerous and one likely spread by the marketing teams hired by high-profile wineries. It is true that a good quality wine is usually more expensive to make in terms of vineyard upkeep, skilled labor, and advanced cellar systems. However, if the right grape is grown in the right place and is made into wine with a little less intervention and cheaper operating costs (often dependent upon the local economics), the expenses aren’t as astronomical as we might imagine.

When considering one of the world’s most expensive bottles, Domaine de la Romanée Conti, one must understand its lofty cost of $ is not equal to its actual value. It costs the producer the tiniest fraction of the wine’s retail price to physically make it, and I hardly think they are doing anything radically different in the vineyard or cellar than the next vigneron. It is their name that carries the prestige…and the fact that they possess a lucky combination of both excellent terroir, an established history, and high demand.

The next time you’re about to pay a higher premium for your bottle, make sure you ask yourself WHY you are really buying it. Is it to appear successful and cultured to others? Is it because of the name behind the label? If you can answer yes to either of those questions, I highly suggest you start focusing more on the bottle’s actual contents, because that’s all you’re truly consuming in the end.

5. You Should Judge a Wine by Its Label

The logical path from the previous fib about good wine is assigning too much importance to the label. While the label can contain crucial information about the wine’s region, grape varieties, and style, it can also range from extremely misleading to totally useless. Just look at how many cute animals are on the front of bottles the next time you’re shopping to see what I mean.

It is also true that people can be drawn to popular brand labels like moths to a flame: Screaming Eagle, Veuve Clicquot, Whispering Angel…you catch my drift. While this usually gives people consistency and predictability, it is ultra-limiting. There are so many artfully-made and delicious wines out there that don’t have gimmicky labels that move when you scan the QR code with your phone. (Come at me, 19 Crimes.)

Another potential point of confusion for many is that the label does not actually contain any useful information at all. Sometimes it just says “California Red Blend,” the broadest and most purposefully ambiguous category in the entire wine universe. It could be from anywhere in the large state and made from pretty much any grape. It also likely was not even bottled by the same people who grew the grapes or even produced the wine. In this case, maybe you should judge the wine by what its label lacks and not by the pretty floral design or…god forbid…glitter! (I’m just making enemies left and right, aren’t I?)

Worse yet are the labels that are straight up misleading. Maybe it says dry, but you taste sweet. Did you know that you can actually buy Moscato that isn’t sweet? Perhaps the label says Pinot Noir, but really it is only 75% Pinot Noir and 25% Zinfandel (cough, Meiomi). Suddenly you’ve brought home and tasted what is traditionally meant to be light and earthy, but all you taste is a full-bodied fruit jam.

There really aren’t any steadfast rules that always hold true when reading wine labels, but if you need help, give me a holler: I can usually figure it out.

6. That the Wine You Bought Can Age (Unless It’s Actually 1 in 10 That Can)

I’ve had lots of people ask me the year of a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, and, hearing that it was only 2 years old, were somehow put off by that fact. Even after 4 years, the risk of it tasting genuinely disgusting is pretty real.

The vast majority of white wines and rosés should not be aged. Furthermore, around 90% of red wines should not be aged past a few years after you buy them. I mean, they won’t get moldy or disintegrate in the bottle if you keep them on the shelf for 20 years, but they will probably taste like vinegar. A good rule of thumb is this: entry-level, less expensive, or very fresh and light-bodied styles typically don’t age well (and aren’t meant to).

There are lots of famously ageable wines out there: Barolo, Grand Cru Bordeaux, highly complex Rieslings, or Oakville Cabernet Sauvignons to name a few. They are usually more expensive and either made in a method, with grape varieties, or in terroir that makes them more suitable for aging.

If you are wanting to age a wine or buy an older vintage of a wine but first want to confirm its longevity, then Google is your friend. The Wine Enthusiast even makes charts for this very purpose! I promise you can either figure it out- or worst case scenario- give up and drink it now.

7. You Should Only Buy Highly Rated Wine

The wine rating system has pros and cons. There are some facts about them worth noting before you make your next decision based on those fancy stickers and shelf tags.

• Most renowned wine rating systems are for making lots of money. Not only do people pay for subscriptions to these things, but wineries typically pay the reviewers top dollar to rate their wine, leaving smaller establishments without those funds at a disadvantage.

• The larger reviewing bodies have teams of tasters, all with what I assume would be different palates. That’s a tough way to remain consistent and unbiased. Additionally, these teams are likely tasting extremely high volumes of wines every day. I don’t know about you, but that would definitely numb my taste buds after a while!

• Reviews by the average consumer online are even more unreliable. You have no concept of their usual preferences or biases. If they seem like they know what they’re talking about, maybe you’ll get lucky and like that wine too. Be wary of Vivino. I’ve had a beautiful, well-made, and highly complex wine that users gave a 3.2 out of 5 because it was too sweet, despite it being objectively dry due to its mere 5 grams of residual sugar PER LITER.

• You might not value some of the criteria that these reviewers use in assigning a high score to a wine. Maybe you don’t care about aromas or you like your acidity super high and out of balance. It is hard to know exactly what goes on behind the scenes of those tastings.

• On a positive note, a wine that has received a very high score across four or five rating systems is probably going to taste good. However, that doesn’t mean an unrated or 88-point wine isn’t worth your money! I’ve had a handful of ‘B’ rated wines that I thought were actually quite outstanding, while some that James Suckling considers A+ were quite boring for me. The subjectivity is what makes wine such a frustrating yet rewarding field of study.

8. You Need a Nice Decanter for Your Reds

Again, it really depends on what kind of red you’ve got on your hands. An older, fuller-bodied red will open up with decanting, letting you experience more of its aromas and flavors. If you’re drinking a very old vintage with lots of sediment at the bottom of the bottle, decanting also lets you see when the sediment starts to reach the bottle neck.

However, a fancy decanter is not necessary, and most of the time you don’t even need to buy a decanter at all. You can use a pitcher or any large vessel for liquids that you have on hand.

For most reds, simply opening the wine, letting it sit for a bit, pouring it into your glass, and then swirling will do the trick.

Also, for what it’s worth, a lot of wine decanters are really hard to wash.

9. You Should Hold Your Glass Up to the Light to See the Color

Stop doing this. I see you over there, just quit! It’s going to reflect other colors or appear much clearer than it actually is. If you’re in a well-lit space, what you’ll notice about the wine sitting on your table or countertop or holding it in your hand directly in front of you is perfectly adequate for preliminary assessment. That is, if it’s in a clear glass.

But if you must know, the ideal way to visually assess a wine is to pour your glass only about a fourth of the way, hold it sideways over a white or very light colored surface (like the back of a menu or napkin), and see how the color differs from bottom to rim. You could also just hold the white material behind the upright glass to avoid spillage.

If you held it up to the light you would only be able to accurately glean whether there are chunks or gnats floating in it, which I suppose can be useful.

10. You need specific shapes of glasses for different types of wines.

Nope.

Alright, I’ll be more specific about what I prefer. 

I find the material of the glass is important. By far glass is the most neutral and imparts the least flavors, as long as it doesn’t have too many dishwasher detergent spots that taste like chemical citrus. Maybe I am paranoid, but my wine tastes different if it’s in plastic, silicone, metal, or paper cups. Those materials somehow just absorb more ambient smells, in my opinion.

I like the same big bowl, longish stem, and light weight to my glass for most wines. For sparkling, I prefer flutes to keep the bubbles in the wine longer. I have never had an issue with not being able to enjoy the aroma in a flute: the bubbles coming up to the surface and popping seem to bring the scent of the wine with them. The snobby sommelier who insists you need a wide-rim for your sparklers? They must like that their Champagne goes flat one minute after it’s poured into their oversized glass, I guess.

In the end, though, use what you have and be done with it. 

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Thank you so much for reading my rambling suggestions all the way through! If by some miracle, you still want more of this, sign up for a free consult to chat about your wine goals or needs.

Or at least make sure you’re on my email list.

Let me know your questions and concerns…I’m here for you!

Love, Elise.